Self Esteem Secrets For Women

Need to Save Marriage From Divorce?

2010-10-23T21:08:00.001-05:00

Can Free Marriage Advice Online Really Help Us Get The Passion Back In Our Marriage? by Larry Bilotta

It would be a different world if man and woman put romance at the top of their priority list, wouldn’t it? Very different and …well…unrealistic.

Unrealistic is the word most people use when they don't want to do something they’re uncomfortable with.

Let's take a look at what people mean when they say it's unrealistic in marriage to be romantic all the time. Where’d they get this idea? From everyone else, that's where. A majority of married couples have come to believe that marriage means boring. They have come to believe it means routine, work, obligation, pressure, not doing what you really want to do and a ton of other destructive ideas.

Well then let me ask you this…was dating the man or woman you were falling in love with boring? Of course not! But WHY is the real question here.

You say it's because the two of you were in love. Most people don’t know this, but it has been scientifically proven that love starts a chemical reaction in the brain that last only a limited time, and then you must keep that love going with ideas on how to be romantic.

So WHY does the romance stop? It’s simple. Couples don't feel it, so they don't do it. I believe the problem is that you just don't know what to do to be romantic. You don't have enough ideas or how to’s or even what romance looks like when you’re married.

Let me introduce you to a man who can help you come up with more ideas on how to be romantic than you could use in a lifetime of marriage. This man has made it his life mission to teach married couples how live a romantic life with each other. His name is Michel Webb.

Michael and his wife Athena say they haven't had a single fight in their 18 year marriage. Sounds hard to believe, I know, but maybe romance is one of the keys to a happy marriage after all.

When it comes to romance, Michael's Webb is the “go-to guy” on how to keep love and passion in your relationship. His web sites have over 20 million visitors a year and as you might expect, he's been on Oprah and over 500 radio and television shows.

Michael Webb is the heavy hitter in the world of tips and how to’s for creating and reviving romance. I think the reason he’s the romantic expert lies in the family where he grew up with his six sisters.

His mother went through two unsuccessful marriages because Michael says he saw his sisters abused by what he called "various men in their lives." It was during his teen years that his mother took an opportunity to give him an insight into the real need of his sisters and his mother's own failed marriages. Her explanation to young Michael was that his sisters were not expecting to be treated as queens, and yet, they wanted two things from the man in their life. 1) to be told often they are loved and 2) to be shown often they are special. That made an impact and eventually he would become the man that would help every woman get what his mother and sisters never had.

Michael has created many kinds of games that put both fun and romance into your marriage. He teaches how to write love letters, have creative dates, use humor, music and even food to express feelings. It's the sheer volume of ideas that makes him predominant expert on romance.

Michel has even found a company that creates personalized romance novels just for the two of you. You create your own romance novel just by entering personal details such as your names, eye color, and favorite things along with your own paperback romance novel theme. And in the mail comes two paperback books that have the two of you as the main characters.

Putting romance into your marriage will need to start slow if you've never been the romantic type or you can’t remember how the two of you got started in the first place. This is especially true for men who are typically not known for it, yet the vast majority of women do have this need. It's something men should know because it's something they already believe. That belief is: What goes around comes around. That is, what you send out, comes back to you. If a man learns how to be romantic, the things he loves most will come back to him.

I’ve devoted a page on my site to Michael Webb’s teachings and 5 of his most popular books that you can find at http://www,.youcansavethismarriage.com/romance/

They say marriage is boring and a chore, but who are THEY anyway? And why would you listen to an expert that doesn’t exist? I'd much rather listen to an expert who knows the secret to bringing romance back into your marriage.

If you’d like to get access my free, 20 video series, and instant access to my 5 Question Marriage Quiz that will help you Discover the Future Health of Your Marriage, just visit http://www.top20questions.com for free marriage advice right now.

What is True Happiness Made Of?

2006-04-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

(Click here to listen to Larry Bilotta's audio recording on "What True Happiness is Made Of")

Note: (Link opens in new window)

Most people think that life is very complicated. There are many people who know that they are unhappy…but they just don’t know why. Does that sound like you? If it does, then this brief article and audio commentary will help you pinpoint exactly what area of your life is making you unhappy so you can focus on one thing at a time instead of feeling overwhelmed and confused…

It’s a fact: Happiness is made up of 7 things.

Here are the areas that make up the Relationship part of your happiness…

1. Family: Family is the important of the 7 things. It determines your confidence and happiness level as an adult. If you were raised in a supportive and loving family, chances are, you’re a confident adult who is overall pretty content with life. If your parents were unsupportive and viewed you as an inconvenience, you will carry a great burden today and struggle to be happy in life.

2. Friends: Real friends know how to give and receive. When you surround yourself with these people, you’ve got this area of your happiness covered.

3. Great Self Image: A great self image could be described as someone who is confident by not arrogant. Again, a great portion of your confidence level is due to a loving and supportive family.

And then there are the Resources that make up the remaining 4 facets of your happiness…

4. Health: When you think of your health, you probably don’t think of emotions, but in fact, your emotions have a LOT to do with your health.

5. Money: Money is not what you think. Money is actually “votes of confidence”. Confidence is nothing more than a feeling. Money IS a feeling. Money and confidence go hand in hand.

6. Time: Time is related to money. If you waste your time instead of trying to make money (either through a job, or your own business), another area of your happiness will suffer as a result: money. If you are lacking confidence, other people can take advantage of your time…which can also cost you money. The more you think about these 7 areas of your life, the more you will see how they directly relate to one another.

7. Peace of Mind: Peace of mind is the reward you get when you’ve reached happiness in the 6 other areas of life.

Want to know more about the 7 areas of life that make up true happiness? Go to Chapter 10 in Softhearted Woman Hard World to learn more about what true happiness really is. Even if your home life as a child was “less than desirable”, and your confidence is suffering as a result, you can still live happily as an adult today. Find out how.

21 Surprising Ways To Bring Out The WORST In People

2006-03-24T13:41:00.000-06:00

"I just can't believe she did that to me! I am not putting up with this any more! I'm fed up and I don't have to take her abuse!"

Have you heard this kind of reaction before? Unless you've lived a completely sheltered life, you've probably been on the receiving end of bad treatment from family members, "so called friends" and co-workers.

Do people treat you badly on purpose or is there some other motivation that even THEY aren't aware of?

The list below titled "21 Surprising Ways To Bring Out The Worst In People" was first created by my wife Marsha about six years ago. I've kept it all this time and showed it to no one.

I've decided to share this list with you, but first I want you to hear why Marsha created it. What experiences did she have that produced this kind of accurate insight?

For reasons that Marsha is NOW aware of, but wasn’t at the time, she seemed to be a magnet for abusive people. Grade school teachers, high school teenagers, neighborhood bullies, abusive family members, and finally, a self centered husband. (That would be me…many years ago).

In January, 2000 Marsha began to gather all her memories along with all the insensitive things I had done to her, and she compiled them into the following list.

For a downloadable PDF version of the "21 Ways List", click here.

When she gave it to me, she explained that people do the things on this list, most often, not to damage anyone else, but because they are only thinking of their own needs. For instance, #6 is people taking things from you, not because they want to hurt you, but because they find their own need more important than what you might feel once you discover your loss.

#10 finds people overvaluing you. That's when they begin to stroke your ego and say how great you are. When you “read between the lines” and look at their REAL motivations, you’ll find they are doing it because they want to get something that you can provide. The second version of #10 finds them undervaluing you simply because they feel threatened by your talent, looks, or some other asset they feel unable to compete with. I want to point out once again that these people are not trying to hurt you. They are looking past you at their own goal. That is why these 21 ways are SURPRISING.

You may be saying, “Well that’s interesting Larry, but what can I do with this list?”

This list will help you when you’re in a situation where you feel you’re being taken advantage by someone. Rather than attacking them directly, or complaining about their actions to someone, else call them up and tell them that you found this list titled “21 Surprising Ways to Bring Out The Worst In People”. Tell them how interesting you thought it was and ask if they would like you to email it to them. When they agree, send them the list. In your email, type the following question, "Have you ever noticed that people don't realize they’re doing these things to you because they are just focused on their own needs? They’re not intentionally trying to hurt you, but in reality, that is always the end result.” What do you think?

Sign your name and wait. That person will begin thinking about…you guessed it, themselves again and will want to share with you how other people have been doing these things to them. That's when you’ll have the opportunity to ask "Did you ever think you've done some of these things to me without even knowing it?

Notice that you ask a question, you don't make an accusation. It is with QUESTIONS that people begin to think, become more reasonable and start to see things your way. So the next time someone offends you, refer to this list to make them aware of what they’re doing.

That is exactly what my wife did with me. At the time, I had no idea why I was upsetting my wife, but now that I’m aware of what I was doing, I think of her first and as a result, I’m able to avoid a potential argument and keep my stress level down.

Self Help for Depression: Do YOU Walk the Line?

2006-03-10T13:36:00.000-06:00

Is your life on the “straight and narrow”?

Do you “walk the line”?

I’m not referring to the Johnny Cash movie, but rather how far off you are from an “ideal” life of happiness. Many people scour the internet in search of self help for depression.

There is a lot of “clinical” self help information on depression, but I haven’t yet seen anyone talk about discuss the 7 Big Issues of Life. So if you’re one of the millions of people who are searching for some form of self help for depression, use this quiz to identify WHAT, in your life is making you feel this way.

From there, you’ll be able to determine what areas of your life you want to improve and search for a solution according to your needs, rather than searching for a general book or course on self help for depression.

What I’m giving you is a way to measure how close you are to being “centered and at peace” with yourself by gauging where you are right now in your relationships, your work and your character.

There are 18 areas to measure and it only takes a couple minutes to do.

You can download the quiz right here…

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/straight_narrow.pdf

Print out the quiz and read the directions at the top of the PDF to complete the quiz. On each issue, you’ll need to put a dot indicating where you are on the scale. When you’re finished, you’ll connect the dots and get a “birds eye” view of what is causing you stress in your life.

This quiz will help you get a perspective on which areas of your life could be potentially causing or adding to your depression whether it's your family, self image, friendships, health, money, time and peace of mind. These are the 7 Big Issues of Life and when one of them is "off-center"; your peace of mind will suffer.

The further you are toward the extreme left or right, the more stress you will experience in your daily life. Until you can walk the “straight and narrow” (down the center definitions), there will be a price to pay.

Note: If you're seeking out self help for depression, remember that this quiz is not meant to be a solution, but instead use it as a way to visually "map out" what areas of your life you need to improve.

Who knows, you might even find that life is not so complicated after all.

3 Common Mistakes that Lead to Loneliness

2006-02-10T13:22:00.000-06:00

There is no greater feeling in the world than to be genuinely likeable or loved by the people that you love. There isn’t a pill that can comfort or console you when you need a shoulder to cry on, there isn’t a drink you can mix that will give you the compassion you need when you are deeply saddened, nothing beats a genuine friend.

But not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend. If you’re one of the many people who are struggling with loneliness, it’s absolutely CRITICAL you read this article.

Why? Simply because loneliness can quickly lead to depression if you don’t do something about it TODAY.

Have you ever thought about WHY you’re feeling lonely?

Perhaps you gave up all your friends for a relationship with someone you THOUGHT was Mr. or Mrs. Right. And after that relationship ended, you went back to your friends but they’ve since moved on with their lives and gave you the “cold shoulder”.

Or maybe you’ve moved to another city, state or even country and you’re looking to meet new friends, but can’t seem to find anyone you can really connect with.

Perhaps you got married only to find that you grew apart from your old friends as you became engrossed in your own life, but now you’re looking to re-connect with someone?

Regardless of what your current situation is, good friends are simply not as easy to find as they were when you were younger.

As an adult who leads a busy life, it’s easier than you might think for loneliness to creep up on you.

Between taking care of little ones, working, taking care of household matters and caring for your spouse, it’s difficult to find the time for friends when you’re so exhausted by the end of the day.

We all need someone to be there to listen to our thoughts and interests without judgment. Someone preferably OUTSIDE our immediate family.
So what’s the cure for loneliness?

There are many people out there that could use your friendship. Take a look at these common mistakes people make in friendships so you can focus on finding more friends and people around you to love and have good times with over the course of a lifetime:

1. Are You Listening…or Waiting For Your Turn To Talk?

If people have betrayed you in the past, and you were NOT raised in a home where you were supported, encouraged and taught valuable “life lessons”, you may be carrying around some very destructive “belief systems” that could prevent you from being a “TRUE friend” to someone.

If your parents put their own needs ahead of anyone else’s, there’s a good chance you “unknowingly” picked up this value also. In a friendship, this may translate to the other person as “selfishness” on your part.

Friendship, like any other relationship requires SELF SACRIFICE. An example of self sacrifice might be listening to your friend’s daily struggles…even if you have a headache yourself and aren’t interested in what they’re saying at all.

If you expect your friend to be there to listen to YOUR daily struggles, be sure you’re always willing to listen when THEY need a shoulder to cry on.

Have you ever been in a conversation where you can just tell the other person is not only NOT listening to you, but in fact…just waiting for their turn to talk? THOSE people were NOT raised to put others’ needs ahead of their own and as a result, there’s a pretty good chance THEY don’t have too many people who’d consider them as a “good friend”.

Relationships are not ALL about self sacrifice however, it’s important to “give a little and take a little”. Some people, however, take self sacrifice to the EXTREME. Many people refer to these as “people pleasers”…which brings me to the next mistake…

2. Don’t Let Your Need for Acceptance Dominate Your Friendships

I used to be guilty of this. Since I was not raised in a home where I was supported and encouraged, as an adult, I was desperately seeking the approval of others.

People, who I THOUGHT were my friends used to ask favors of me ALL THE TIME. I of course, willingly went along with their request because I was afraid if I said “no”, they’d get mad or not want to be my friend anymore.

Let me tell you…this was a BIG MISTAKE.

While there are many genuine, sincere people in this world, there are just as many people who will take advantage of you…IF you let them.

So where do you draw the line?

I’m certainly not telling you to avoid anyone who asks you for a favor, but instead “filter out” those people who are NEVER there for you…when YOU are ALWAYS there for them.

That’s one of the easiest ways to recognize these people. If saying “no” without feeling guilty is something you often struggle with, you can use my step-by-step solution in Softhearted Woman Hard World that will help you say “no” to others so you can have more time to yourself and your loved ones.

3. Are YOU Responsible For Your Loneliness?

Maybe you’re feeling lonely because you’re not exactly sure how to be a true friend to someone. If people have hurt or rejected you in the past, you may have a fear of being rejected by someone who could potentially be your friend.

So in an effort to avoid that pain, you reject your friend before they reject YOU. You may be familiar with this concept as it relates to dating, but it is also true in friendships.

You may not “out-right” reject this person; but you might find excuses as to why you don’t want to be friends with them. If you find yourself doing this, STOP and ask yourself “WHY am I rejecting this person?”

If you don’t give anyone a chance, it’s very possible you could turn someone away who might otherwise become your life-long friend.

So there you have it. These 3 tips will help you avoid making the common mistakes that trap you in this rut, otherwise known as loneliness. Friends can be one of life’s greatest gifts. Don’t let your destructive beliefs from your past get in the way of your friendships. To earn the title of FRIEND, all you need to do…is be one.

Larry Bilotta is the leading authority on understanding people. He has been actively involved in helping people build their self esteem, reduce their stress and improve their marriages since 1993.

If you’d like to learn how to “decommission” your undesirable programs from your parents, get your FREE copy of Larry’s Special Report at http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/report.html

Larry is also the author of a book that helps women make sense of the emotional pressure and guilt in their everyday lives called Softhearted Woman Hard World.

Larry Bilotta's Recommended List Of Resources that Produce RESULTS

2006-01-31T15:59:00.000-06:00

If you're struggling with issues like negative thoughts, marriage problems, parenting or self image, but you're not sure where to go for help (or who to trust for that matter,) then take a look at the following resources...

I've personally hand picked each and every one of these resources based on the RESULTS they brought either myself or someone close to me. So you can be rest assured these are all quality books and resources. This is not just a collection of resources based on "critics opinions" or simply the fact that they were a "best seller" on Amazon. (Although I believe some of them were.)

I'm recommending these books to you simply because they've produced RESULTS. A.K.A....They made a dramatic difference in MY life or the life of someone close to me, therefore I recommend these books because I've seen them WORK.

I've broken the books up into several different categories so you can quickly skim to the topic you're most interested in...

Overcoming Your Negative Feelings
The following books support the concepts you learned about in the 7-Secrets Mini-Course. If you're still not convinced that the brain is directly connected and influenced by your emotions, these books will give you the proof you need.

1. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
This book contains all the research of neuro scientists' findings about how your brain is directly connected to your emotions. This book proves that your ability to manage your emotions is MORE MPORTANT to your success in life than your IQ. I would strongly recommend this book because it reinforces the concepts I taught you about in the 7-Secrets Mini-Course.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/emotionalintel.html

2. Emotional Intelligence Quick-Book by Travis Bradberry
This book is endorsed by the Dalai Lama and Steven Covey, two of the top leaders in the self improvement industry. This book will teach you how to increase your "Emotional Intelligence" that will directly affect your relationships and your career. This is the book you should get after Emotional Intelligence because it will help you master and apply the concepts you learn about in Emotional Intelligence.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/quickbook.html

Marriage Problems
You should consider looking into these books if you're on the verge of divorce or if you simply want to improve your marriage or learn more about your spouse. Many of the married couples I work with have read these books and experienced life-changing results afterwards.

1. If Only He Knew by Gary and Norma Smalley
This book is for men who think that once you're married, you can just coast on "auto-pilot". It acts as a wake-up call for men who wonder what his wife's "problem" is. This book could be described as a preventative maintenance "tune-up" for your marriage. If, as a man, you're already "in trouble" with your wife, this book could be a turning point in your marriage, as it has been for many of the couples I've worked with.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/if_only.html

2. The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
This book was written for Christian women who believe they should be doing more for their part in their marriage. It can be a tough book to read if you're not ready. But for those who are, this book can help you create a marriage made in heaven.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/excellent_wife.html

3. The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott
This book was written for Christian men. If, as a Christian man, you want to follow what the Bible says about marriage, this book will help you understand what the scripture is telling you about how to be married right.

http://selfesteemsecrets4women.com/exemplary_husband.html

4. The 7 Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
If you want to know what most people DON'T know on the subject of marriage, one of the best people to listen to is John Gottman, who spent 25 years in the "Marriage Labaratory". John Gottman can predict with 91% accuracy, who will divorce in 5 years. This book will help you understand marriage in a non-therapist way. He gives lots of examples of different marriage problems he's come across over the years and also provides solutions on how to overcome these problems. You'll be sure to relate to at least one of them. I would consider reading this book above all other books on marriage because if you know nothing about being married, THIS is the place to start.

http://selfesteemsecrets4women.com/7_principles.html

5. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
I highly recommend Gary Chapman's book, "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" if you’re lacking a certain “closeness” in your marriage. Often times we wish our spouse would treat us a certain way, but we never actually tell them what it is that we want them to do! Gary Chapman gives you practical advice on marriage by making it easy for you to communicate what you need from your spouse to feel loved…and what they need from you!

http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/gary.html

6. The "Secret Path" to Divorce by Larry Bilotta
This is a FREE, 10-page Special Report I created after seeing couple, after married couple cross the "Point Of No Return" in their marriage without even realizing it. When a couple reaches this point in their marriage, there's nobody that can save their marriage because either husband or wife has decided that the marriage is over...for good. So I created a map that couples can use to understand this "Secret Path" so they can avoid waiting until it's too late to do something about their marriage. I would recommend this report to all married couples because it gives you a perspective on where your marriage is right now and where the two of you are headed in the future.

http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/secret.html

Parenting

1. Scream Free Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel
This book will teach you how to tune in to your children's words or actions, regardless of their age or gender. It will help you avoid knee-jerk reactions that you're later sorry for. The author teaches you how to teach your kids to solve their own problems at a "kid level" and gets them in the habit of making their own decisions and living with the consequences.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/screamfree.html

2. Parenting From The Inside Out by Daniel Siegel
This book teaches you about how our own childhood influences the people we are today. This book could best be described as "a scientific book with a heart" that is easy to read and comprehend. The book will help you understand what's going on in all your relationships...especially with your children. As an added bonus, there are exercises at the end of each chapter to help you apply what you've learned.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/insideout.html

Self Image

1. Now Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham
This book will help you think about your strengths and how they apply to your career. The book puts out a strong message that you need to avoid thinking about your weaknesses. There's also an on line test you can take the corresponds with the book that will help you pinpoint your 5 strengths and what job you should be in to be successful in life.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/discoverstrengths.html

2. Your Invisible Lifestyle by Larry Bilotta
This is another FREE Special Report I wrote that will teach you what REALLY determines your success level in life. The concepts in this report are also supported by the book, Parenting From The Inside Out (listed above). Your Invisible Lifestyle affects every part of your life from your self-esteem to your marriage and even your social life. Understanding your Invisible Lifestyle is a KEY part of having a successful relationship with anyone whether it's your child, spouse, boy/girlfriend, parents/relatives or even friends. After reading this report, be sure to read the follow up report below to learn how to overcome your troublesome habits or values that are preventing you from being happy in life.

http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com/improve-your-marriage.html

3. How To "Decomission" Your Undesirable Programs by Larry Bilotta
In this FREE Special Report, I'll show you how to get over your habits or values that are causing you trouble today. Are you attracted to the wrong guys? Are you and your spouse or significant other always fighting over whose way of doing something is "right"? It's all due to your Invisible Lifestyle. This is the follow up report that goes along with the Invisible Lifestyle report.

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/report.pdf

I hope you fully take advantage of the resources I've provided for you. Many of these books have acted as a turning point in either my life or the lives of those who are close to me. Please share them with any friends and family who you think might benefit from them as well.

To a LESS stressful and MORE fulfilling life,

Larry Bilotta

My Personal, Step-By-Step Plan For Reaching Goals

2006-01-31T15:40:00.000-06:00

If you REALLY want to reach the goals you set for yourself this year, simply writing them down as a list and telling your friends about them is just not going to cut it.

Reaching your goals will not be difficult if you understand the following formula….

Consistency + Desire + Specificity – Fear = YOUR GOAL

There are 3 simple keys to setting and achieving your goals…

Key #1: Consistency

If you're going to reach a goal you NEED to be consistent. Most people jump on the “goal setting bandwagon” around New Years, setting goals for themselves with NO plan of action on how they're going to reach them.

And before they know it, they get caught up in everyday life and never think about their goals again.

This is what I call “Goal Setting and Forgetting.” Consistency is critical when it comes to reaching your goals.

Here's How To Be Consistent in Reaching Your Goals…

Have a routine.

If your goal is to lose 10 lbs by the end of the year, do something ever day (or week) that will bring you closer to that goal. It could be a morning walk before you start your day or eating at least 4 healthy meals per week.

Or maybe your goal is something that's not as “cut and dry” as losing weight. Let's say you want to improve your confidence.

To accomplish this, you still need to be consistent in your THINKING. You need to shift your ways of thinking and start a new routine. (There's that word again.) ;-)

For instance, to help you remember what you've learned from your favorite self-improvement book, you could write down on a sticky note next to your bed the key points that had the most impact on you.

Key #2: Desire

Goal setting is merely wishful thinking if you don't have a strong desire to reach your goal. You must organize your list according to the goals that you desperately want to achieve, and those that “would be nice” whether it's losing 10 lbs, finding a new job or improving your confidence.

Here's How To Separate Your "Would Be Nice" Goals From Your Urgent Desires…

Write down all of your goals that you've ever wanted to achieve. This is where Key #3 comes in, so I'll continue with Key #2 in a moment…

Key #3: Be Specific

When writing down your goals, don't just say you want to “lose weight”, set a SPECIFIC amount of weight to lose. Keep this goal fresh in your mind…and most importantly…STICK TO IT! Don't stop the routine.

Key #2: Desire (Continued)

Once you've finished writing down your SPECIFIC goals, rate your level of desire for each goal using a scale of 1-10.

(10 = Yes, I want it the most!”)

(1 = “It would be nice, but it's not too important to me.”)

When you're finished, separate the page into 3 columns below your goals. Label the first column, as “Easy”, the second as “Somewhat difficult” and the third as “Challenging”. Then re-write each of your goals into the 3 columns, including your level of desire for that particular goal.

Ask yourself, “How easy (or difficult) will it be for me to reach this goal?” and put the goal in it's appropriate category.

Now that you've organized your goals, start with the goal that is in the “Easy” column with the strongest “Desire score.”

When you reach one of your goals, (no matter how easy it may be) you’ll be mentally rewarding yourself by thinking, “Oh, I CAN do this!”

Then continue on with your next goal in the “Easy” column with the highest desire score and so on until you eventually move into the challenging column and start achieving those goals.

By the time you reach the challenging set of goals, you'll have “trained” yourself to routinely think about and consistently reach your goals, so they will not seem as difficult as they once were.

But before you start reaching your first goal, you must create your action plan for this goal. Be sure to ONLY create an action plan for the goal you're currently working on.

There is no need to overwhelm yourself at this point by thinking about your plan of action for the other goals. Write down what you're going to do every day to reach this goal.

There's an old saying that's been around for a long time…

“Those Who Fail To Plan, Plan To Fail.”

And it's true, if you don't have a clear picture of where you're going, you're simply not going anywhere. So don't skip this part of the system. It will require a bit of thought, planning ahead and discipline but it's the only way you're going to reach your goals.

No plan = no goals = The same results as last year.

Here's One Thing You MUST NOT DO…

DO NOT try to reach more than one goal at a time. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when you've got a lot you want to accomplish, so don't fall into the trap of thinking you need to accomplish every one of your goals this month…or this year for that matter.

Take your time and you WILL reach your goals at your own pace. This is not a race.

But the most important key to this system of all is to practice these techniques on a DAILY BASIS. Set aside a slot of time to re-read your plan of action to reach your current goal in the morning and at night.

So What Can Stop You From Reaching Your Goals?

I've laid out a step-by-step system you can use to accomplish your goals, so now there's now way you can fail. Right?

WRONG.

Fear of failure is what stops MOST people from accomplishing their goals. Don't let it happen to you! You will never take ACTION if you let your fear get in the way of what you want to accomplish.

Also, don't listen to other PEOPLE who try to discourage you. Some people MAY try to discourage you whether it's out of pure jealousy or just ill will. I don't care if they are family members, your very own husband or wife or your best friend.

NOBODY Knows What You're Capable Of. So It's Up To YOU To Prove Them Wrong.

So what are you waiting for? Get started on this today. This is YOUR YEAR, the year you'll prove that you can accomplish anything when you set your mind to it.

Larry Bilotta, an expert on building self-esteem, makes it easy to instantly eliminate painful feelings in 20 seconds, STOP dwelling on your problems and START feeling better about yourself. Get your FRE.E 7-day email course at http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/self.html

I Want To CONGRATULATE You...

2005-11-04T10:55:00.000-06:00

“Congratulate me on what?” you’re probably saying to yourself.

I just wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate you for accepting that SOMETHING in your life needs to change.

Whether you’re struggling with negative feelings, a low self image, shyness, relationship issues or jealousy…

The first step in finding a solution to those problems is realizing that they exist!

In fact, I know MANY people (some who are very close to me) who REFUSE to accept that anything is wrong in their lives.

They are extremely negative people who lash out at others and point fingers when things don’t go their way. They refuse to admit that their negative feelings absolutely DOMINATE their every thought.

It’s very difficult for me sometimes when I’m around these people and they make bad decisions that do nothing but create more turmoil in their lives.

Quite often I just want to reach out, shake them and say “Wake up! You deserve better! I can help you!”

But the truth of the matter is…it is virtually impossible to help someone who won’t admit they have a problem and won’t accept help from ANYONE, under any circumstances….period.

So today I want to congratulate you for NOT being one of those people.

How do I know you’re not one of those people?

Simply because you’re reading this right now!

Those people I was referring to earlier have a VERY hard time taking advice from ANYONE. Some of them even try to ‘act’ like they’re better than others, so they turn their nose up at any sort of “self help” information.

But what’s really sad is that deep down inside they feel they’re actually… “Less than”. And I know this is true because in a few rare instances they’ve actually come to me for help.

I remember one woman in particular where after our initial consultation, she told me how she regretted the fact that it took her so long to get enough courage to face up to reality.

I sat silently listening to her heartbreaking stories of how her negative feelings affected every aspect of her life, eventually leaving her with very few people she could still consider as friends.

She used to get so upset she would actually BLACK OUT after one of her “explosive episodes” where she yelled at the top of her lungs and completely lost control, seemingly turning into a different person.

Simply put…learning to control her negative feelings gave this woman her life back.

And that’s why I want to commend you on actively seeking out ways to achieve a better life.

I don’t care if you buy up every self improvement product on the market or just search for free articles to read on the internet like this one.

But whatever you do, make sure to ACT on whatever insight you learn about. Just reading about ways to improve your self esteem will NOT give you a better self image.

But I’m sure you already know that.

Just by reading this, you’ve proved that you have “what it takes” to achieve a LESS stressful and MORE fulfilling life. And I believe ANYONE can do this once they take that first, very important step like you have….acceptance.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this article and found it well worth the time it took you to read it. Next week I’ll have a BRAND NEW video for you…so stay tuned.

If you’re not a subscriber to my newsletter, you can send a blank email to mailto:7secretscourse@aweber.com

Wishing you all the best,

Larry Bilotta

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com

So Wha'd Ya Think of the Video?

2005-10-19T14:18:00.000-05:00

This is where you can tell me what you thought of the follow up video to the 7 Secrets mini-course.

In case you missed where you can view the video, go to the following address:

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/video.html

(Note: Please allow a moment for the video to load. Thank you!)

So did you like it....or did you....gulp...hate it?

I want your honest opinion of the video. Do you have any suggestions for improvements, criticisms or comments that you'd like to share with me?

If so, simply click the blue link below this post that says "comments" and you'll be taken to a page where you can leave your comments on this blog.

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to watch the video...I truly appreciate it more than you know.

All the best,

Larry Bilotta

How Happy Are You...REALLY?

2005-09-26T10:50:00.000-05:00

Everyone talks about happiness, but nobody really knows how to measure it. Sure, there are countless happiness tests and quizzes out there on the internet, but most of them are just for fun, providing you with no real insight or way to achieve the life you really want.

So I’ve created a happiness quiz called “All You Ever Really Wanted”.

To find out if your life has MEANING, you’ll rate each of the 7 most important areas of life, on a 10-1 scale.

Note: You’ll notice that three of the 7 areas of life are kids, marriage and school. If you don’t have kids right now, that’s ok, rate that area as if you did. If you’re not married now, but are in a relationship, rate your relationship as if you were married. If you’re not in school right now, so what, you’re always learning, right? So rate that area according to how happy you are with your “schooling” even if you’re just in the “school of real life.”

Directions: Rate each of the 7 definitions below. Then rate each of the 7 issues on a 10-1 scale. When you’re finished, add up your score and divide it by the top score of 70 to get your total score. Then see how happy you are on the happiness thermometer to the left of the quiz. Depending on what “Happiness Zone” you fall into, read the corresponding paragraph to get your results from the quiz.

Whether you’re in a meaningful or difficult relationship, have your partner complete this quiz and compare your scores. Why is one of you high in one of the 7 areas of life, but low in others? What are the conditions that created your score or theirs? This is a great way to begin communicating about the things that really matter…the big picture of your life.

To View the Quiz in a Larger Format or Download it to Your Desktop, Click here.

Happiness Zone Meanings Below:

Happiness Zone-
Congratulations! You are a very happy person! If you are interested in where you can improve, then take your lowest score and fine tune it …OR…help someone ELSE raise THEIR score. Helping others will bring you a sense of happiness and satisfaction that is hard to duplicate in any other area of life. Look around and you can see that people at your happiness level are a rare find. Help others get to where you are if you can.

Content Zone-
You’re pretty content in your life overall. In the Content zone, you’re still missing part of what life is all about, but you’re probably going to stay in this zone for the rest of your life unless you want to reach TRUE happiness, but why? Surely contentment is a worthy goal in America today. What’s important to realize about this zone is that YOU have something that most people strive for…simply to be content. But just being content while others have a far less success in life isn’t going to meet your happiness potential. Try helping people you are related to, you work with or are in your social circle.

Distressed Zone-
In the Distressed zone, there’s a good chance you’re having difficulty dealing with people. You probably find them to be very frustrating at times. In this zone, your expectations of life are just not lining up to what you might have hoped for. You have good days and bad days with some being very difficult for you while others days go by smoothly. Consider this stressful zone to be your starting point towards a happier life. Your first step should be to focus on and try to improve the area of your life out of all 7 that is bring you some frustration, obstacles and generally occupies a lot of your energy. The reason to focus on this area is that your motivation to find answer is very high and small improvements will keep you going.

Frustrated Zone-
In the Frustrated zone, you are most likely plagued with fear, dread and intense negative emotions. People in the Frustrated zone attract other people and situations that do nothing but increase your frustration and worry. If your health and finances are not yet affected, there’s a good chance they will be soon if you don’t get do something to break free from this harmful zone. You are overwhelmed and weighed down with worry and anxiety most every day. If you don’t have depression, it won’t be far away. People in this zone will usually blame themselves or other people for their unhappiness. Consider this quiz a wake up call. If you want to improve your life, you must do something very soon or you’ll get trapped in the vicious cycle of fear and worry….and eventually end up in the desperate zone.

Desperate Zone-
This is the most dangerous zone to be in. People in this zone have lost all of their peace of mind. Crying yourself to sleep at night might be a common occurrence for you. Chances are very good that you’re in a lot of trouble financially, and have health problems with no solution in sight. In this Desperate zone, you might wish you were somebody else. You may even have enemies and few friends. This is the zone that clenches its grip more and more over time leading people to desperate measures like suicide. You NEED to do something NOW….before it’s too late. You DESERVE a better life no matter what anyone else says. Follow the steps below to get out of this zone and onto a life with far less stress.

HERE’S WHAT TO DO NEXT…
For each of the 7 areas of your life you’d like to improve, ask yourself this very important, yet simple question…

“What could I do to improve my score in this area? (Even if it’s just a small improvement)

Begin building a list of things you can do to improve your score in this one area of your life, no matter how silly your ideas might seem.

Somewhere down your list, you’ll find an idea or two that never would have occurred to you if you had not done this exercise. For example, let’s say you have a boss who’s giving you trouble at work and making your life difficult.

Remember, this is a creative exercise. Every idea does not need to be a good idea. They CAN be silly ideas. In fact, many of them SHOULD sound silly to you so that you keep you writing and thinking of new ideas. Far down the list of ideas you could act on, you’ll find an idea that will work best for you. Don’t stop writing until you have at least 30 different ideas.

Your long list might include ideas like:

1. Put in your transfer to a different department.

2. Buy him doughnuts.

3. Buy him flowers and a funny card

4. Meet with him and ask how we can resolve this conflict.

5. Write him a nice note and leave it on his desk every morning.

6. Become the top performer in my area and see how he changes

Be sure to start with the one area of life where you have the most frustration and work ONLY on that ONE AREA until you see an improvement.

Keep in mind that you’re trying to think of little ideas that are within YOUR control. Don’t make a list of things that you would never do (like quitting your job). It won’t do you any good to make a list unless you can ACT on the ideas you come up with.

Keep this exercise in a place where you can find it again. Now you can give your life a “tune up” and gain a perspective you wouldn’t have had otherwise. Remember; don’t stop doing this exercise until the one item you’ve been working on is actually raising your happiness score. Once you’ve seen a difference in your happiness, move on to the next area of your life that’s giving you trouble.

Feel free to send this quiz to a friend. They’ll thank you for it!

If you have any questions, comments or success stories, email me at: larry@selfesteemsecrets4women.com

The “Missing Ingredient” that Tony Robbins and other Success Coaches DON’T Talk About

2005-09-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

Most likely, you’ve seen and heard success coaches preach the typical motivational jargon before….

“Seeing is believing.”

“Focus is the key to success.”

“If you believe in yourself…anything is possible.”

Sure, these “catch phrases” SOUND good, and maybe they’ll inspire you for about a day or two, but when the inspiration wares off, where does that leave you?

That’s right….back to square 1.

Did you know that personal success coaches like Tom Peters and Anthony Robbins have openly admitted that 90% of the people who buy their books or courses DON’T READ THEM?

A whopping 90% of people, who have every intention to put into action what they learn, eventually fizzle out, lose interest or simply give up.

Why is that? More importantly, how can it be? If you have everything you need to succeed in life at your fingertips, then why the sky-high “personal success student drop-out rate”?

Let’s try an exercise. Here’s a list of 5 success-driven principles that if you follow consistently, will help you reach your goals in life.

1. Believe in yourself
2. Set daily goals
3. Stay focused and committed
4. Maintain a good attitude
5. Always do more than is expected of you

Now how many people do YOU KNOW of personally, that live by these principles every day of their life? Chances are…very few.

Now what if Tony Robbins HIMSELF PERSONALLY showed up at their doorstep and CONVINCED them (in his high-energy and inspirational style) that if they CHANGE THEIR WAYS and start to follow these 5 philosophies, their life will improve immediately?

Would they change their ways THEN? Maybe…for a little while.

But most people would choose the path of least resistance and eventually fall back into their old ways and habits.

Why?

When you understand the principle of the Invisible Lifestyle, you’ll know that every person is programmed by the adults who raise them.

There are two kinds of children who accept these programs from their parents.

1. Children who accept their parents’ values completely and then grow up to duplicate every habit, interest and tradition of their mom and dad.

2. Children who reject almost every habit, interest and tradition of their mom and dad.

The fact is, the vast majority of people in America are “programmed” by their parents to live a middle class lifestyle.

The “program” for this level of financial success is imprinted right into the child's neuron network, or brain cells. Any ideas that might conflict with these programs about money, wealth, success or status in society, will instantly be ignored. This is the reason why wealthy adults generally produce wealthy children and poor adults have children who stay in poverty throughout their adult lives.

So what about all the success literature in the self-help market that says ANYBODY can be successful…if they just WANT to?

That's easy for them to say and certainly, their message of a more financially secure future sounds tempting to most everyone. But the problem is; most people who attempt to be successful in a new venture or business take on a higher level of responsibility than dad or mom ever attempted.

These “ambitious” people are usually held back by their Invisible Lifestyle program that asks "Is this new endeavor lined up with what you’re programmed to do?”

If the answer is no, the Invisible Lifestyle program will “silently” undo all the conscious efforts this person took to be financially successful…without them even realizing it.

Your Invisible Lifestyle is so powerful and has such a grip on you at times, that you don’t even realize it’s happening. If you want to start your own business, but your parents did not “program” you for risk, there is a very good chance your business venture will fail.

Want proof? Look at the studies of lottery winners and the time it takes them to lose their fortune. In just SEVEN YEARS, these people lose millions (sometimes billions) of dollars.

Very few lottery winners ever maintain or even grow their money. The reason? They were not programmed to have so much wealth. If you initially asked them how long they planned on being wealthy, they’d probably tell you for the rest of their life.

But if that was the case, then what happened throughout those seven years?

Their Invisible Lifestyle program quietly and subtly, day after day urged them to make decision after decision that brought them back to a level they were more familiar with.

If making thirty thousand dollars a year as a factory worker is the original program they received in the first ten years of their childhood, then that is where they will end up.

Take MC Hammer for instance. He was a young and talented black man from Oakland California who was programmed to live at an "acceptable" income level.

Due to his talent, he earned a fortune in the music business. But Hammer's Invisible Lifestyle program took over and within a few very short years, MC was bankrupt. His Invisible Lifestyle had brought him back to where he was financially comfortable.

So no matter what you pursue in life, whether it’s more self-esteem, more money or better friends, check to see if it’s in line with your Invisible Lifestyle.

Is that the way your parents lived THEIR life…or taught you to live yours?

If it’s not, did you always despise the way your parents lived and even as a young child, aspire to achieve great things in life? If so, there is a good chance you will do just that.

If you do not have fond memories of your childhood, and your parents put you down on a daily basis, it does NOT mean you are condemned to a life of more of the same.

You CAN improve your self-esteem, earn more money, or reach whatever goal you want, but you must CONSCIOUSLY be aware of your Invisible Lifestyle values if you want to overcome them.

Use the technique in my FREE special report, "Your Invisible Lifestyle: Is it Helping or Hurting Your Marriage" to overcome any destructive values that are doing you more harm than good in your life.

…and break free from those old values for good!

But some people just need a helping hand. They work best when being encouraged, with a defined path that is specific to their needs and is solution driven.

If this sounds like you and you’d like me to personally help you overcome any values that are stopping you from getting the life you really want, I have a solution for you.

Since I've gotten some requests for personal coaching recently, I've decided to offer 45 minute coaching sessions at a reasonable rate to give you the personalized, one-on-one support with the encouragement you need to overcome your destructive values or "programs".

If you’re interested in a personal coaching session with me, simply send me an email stating what you'd like to accomplish at larry@selfesteemsecrets4women.com.

All the best,

Larry Bilotta

Are YOU "Programmed" for Failure?

2005-09-09T18:23:00.000-05:00

Have you ever wondered why some people just have it all? They’re well liked by everyone they meet, financially set and attractive…but what stands out most about them is their beaming sense of self-confidence when they walk into a room.

It’s almost as if they have a certain “presence” that gives off positive vibes.

Not everyone is this fortunate, however. There are people who wake up on “the wrong side of the bed” EVERY DAY. They are faced with low self worth, struggle to maintain positive relationships and often feel resentful towards people who are better off than they are.

So what’s the difference?

How can one person be so incredibly successful while another person constantly struggles just to get by?

The answer is that it’s all in your “programming”. So who were the programmers? Your parents of course!

It’s true. Your parents unknowingly “programmed” you to fail or to succeed. The reason I say ‘unknowingly’ is because your parents raised you the best they could based on how their parents raised THEM.

For example, let’s say you grew up with an abusive father. Your parents never encouraged you or took an interest in anything you did…ever.

Your father had a negative outlook on life because of HIS traumatic childhood so all he knew how to do was raise YOU the same way that his father raised HIM.

As a result, you grew up with a negative outlook on life (just like your dad), and you have low self esteem because nobody took the time to encourage you and take an interest in you as a child.

Is that your fault? NO! Of course not! You did not ask to be “dropped” into your parents’ household. That is the “hand” you were dealt and now, as an adult, you have to suffer the consequences.

Another example…

Imagine you were raised in a household where both of your parents were always there for you. They took an interest and encouraged you in everything you pursued. They were your role model as a child. You grew up seeing your father work hard every day and treat your mother with respect.

As a result, you grew up to be a success because you duplicated your parents’ values as your own. THEY programmed your neuron network (your brain cells) to literally recreate their behaviors for success or failure.

(read all about it in the book “Now Discover Your Strengths”)

These two examples show how troubled parents or productive parents create troubled or productive children. But there is one exception to this phenomenon…

The last example…

You grew up in a bad neighborhood with an alcoholic father. Everywhere you looked, you saw poverty, crime and hopelessness. As a child, you couldn’t wait to move out of the house. You saw your parents’ lifestyle and were DETERMINED to be not only successful, but NOTHING LIKE YOUR PARENTS.

While you were growing up, you took the necessary steps to put yourself through school and as an adult, you have a positive self image and make sure you remain financially stable. This life is possible because you always do the opposite of the way you were raised.

This is what I call “buckers”. They buck their parents’ lifestyle in the same way a rodeo horse bucks its rider. Actively pushing away the negative values you were given produces a successful life in the case of most “buckers”.

So to answer the question, “Are you programmed for failure?” Look to your parents and the way you were raised.

Now I’m not telling you to place BLAME on your parents. Your parents raised you based on everything they knew at the time. It’s ALL they knew. It’s not their fault…it’s NOBODY’S “FAULT”.

The key is to understand and accept the fact that the negative values you absorbed from your parents (i.e., fear of failure, low self worth, jealousy) are programs literally “wired” into your brain.

If you have enough discontent with these, it is very possible to change that programming now in your adult life.

Knowing this is not enough.

You must find these programs and learn how to “decommission” them. In other words, you need to know what to do and how to do it, especially if these programs seem to dictate your behavior.

Do you do things over and over that other people might call “self sabotage?

Are you attracted to a certain type of person you know you shouldn’t be around, yet you can’t help but feel attracted to?

The source of this behavior is one or two negative programs from your childhood. These programs will prevent you (or your loved ones) from a better life.

If your parents programmed you for failure…it’s NOT your fault…but it IS your responsibility to do something about it.

If you’re interested in learning how to overcome your destructive values or habits, send me an email at larry@selfesteemsecrets4women.com and I’ll send you my FREE report that will tell you exactly how to “decommission” these undesirable programs.

Rate YOUR Self-image

2005-08-22T11:28:00.000-05:00

This Self Image Quiz will help you get a feel for how well you’re controlling your most negative thoughts and feelings about yourself. The results will help you see your self-image throughout the three most important issues relating to your self-image: what you do, how you relate and how you view yourself.

Answer the questions below using a scale of 7 down to 1.
7 – This absolutely describes me!
1 - No way, that’s not me!

When you’re finished, use the scoring key to find out how you rate on the self-image scale. Okay, let’s get started…

SECTION 1: WHAT I DO
1. I am competent at what I do
2. I have interesting things to say
3. When I attempt to learn something new, I keep at it until I can do it well.
4. I have enough self confidence to know when I've done a good job
5. I'm doing well compared to those around me
6. I am reaching my potential to be as successful as I believe I can
7. I know a good opportunity when I see it and act on it
8. I don't ignore problems but deal appropriately with my own mistakes and those of others

SECTION 2: HOW I RELATE
1. People respect me for who I am and what I've done
2. I am worthy of the attention and affection of others
3. I feel that I am a loving person who is worthy to be loved by others
4. To the people who depend on me, I am an important person
5. If I get into a tough bind, I know I have people who will go all out on my behalf
6. When I make mistakes, my friends and family will still respect me
7. People like me when I am genuinely being myself
8. I do very well meeting new people in social situations
9. I am good at making friends and keeping them
10. I work hard to not let down the people who care about me
11. How I feel about myself is far more important than other people's opinions of me
12. I can accept that friends may reject me but I get on with my life
13. I am content with who I am regardless of the opinions of other people
14. I do not unfairly compare my weaknesses with other's strengths

SECTION 3: HOW I SEE MYSELF
1. I have value in this world and my life has purpose
2. I am significant because I have a purpose in life
3. I deserve love and respect just because I am human
4. I accept myself as I am, flaws and all

Self-image Scoring Key Instructions:

Step 1. Total up your score for each section.

Step 2. In section 1, divide your score by 56

Step 3. In section 2, divide your score by 98

Step 4. In section 3, divide your score by 28

Example: in section 1, let’s say you scored a 48. You scored 48 out of 56. So divide 48 by 56 on your calculator and then hit the % key to find the percentage of each section.

In this case, your score for section 1 would be 86%.

Step 5. Then add up your score for all three sections and divide that total by a top score of 182 to get your total score.

(I.e. divided by 182 = % overall.)

The Results: How's YOUR Self Image?

91% to 100% (Fantastic Self-Image)
At this level, it is very rare for you to doubt yourself or your success in relating to other people. If you are at this level in life, success comes naturally, you learn from your mistakes and you don't repeat them. Successful people are attracted to you and in fact, they seek you out. Troubled people find it difficult to relate to you and you find it hard to understand how they cannot fix their troubles.

81% to 90% (Good Self-Image)
You’re not as consistently strong as the level above, but you still find success in life and relationships, leaving you with only temporary frustrations. You either came from a childhood where you were “programmed” to be successful by your parents or you’re “bucking” their negative values and creating a path to success of your own. In any case, finding a fulfilling life is not difficult for you because you have the “inner program” to guide you there.

71% to 80% (Okay Self-Image)
You’ve gone through extended periods of time, even several years, where you’ve hit failures and brick walls. But because you persisted, you got through them and times got better. At this level, your self image is not consistently strong, but it is also not considered to be at risk. You've had your share of troubles and misunderstandings with people but you tried not to dwell on your bad feelings. But sometimes, these feelings can be difficult for you to let go. Your self image will greatly improve if you let go of your negative feelings by focusing on what’s happening in “reality” instead of what you “see” in your imagination.

61% to 70% (Greatest Opportunity for Improvement)
You’ve struggled to reach for love, acceptance and a better life. But your life is not only about struggles because you’ve found some happiness in work, relationships and family, even though it has been a narrow group of people. At this Self Image level, you have the greatest opportunity for improvement because you’ve experienced discontent, but you still have the determination to raise yourself up and take the first step towards a better self image.

51% to 60% (Lost and Confused)
At this point, you’re reaching for a sense of who you are and what you are really worth. When someone’s self image is at this level, they sometimes try to fake their happiness by bragging so that they APPEAR to be confident. In reality, this just isn’t true because that “inner feeling” isn't there. If that’s not you, then you’re battling daily with the “negative voice in your head” that condemns and criticizes you. It is this “little voice” that makes you doubt whether you’re worthy of being loved and whether you even deserve to succeed in life. Learning to eliminate this voice the moment it appears will directly improve your self image. Get started right away to see yourself as an important and valuable person.

41% to 50% (At risk)
This is considered the ‘at risk’ zone. Chances are; your childhood didn't go well for you. When you needed encouragement, you got abuse, when you needed support; you got cruel words or worse. You have a great deal of pain when it comes to issues like family, friendships, health, money and peace of mind. Right now you have 2 choices: you could stay in this dark place where you don't get (or let yourself have) the good things in life OR you could do something about your self image and gain acceptance from others, real friends and children who love and depend on you. The choice is yours. You DO deserve to be happy in life. Take the first step right now.

12% to 40% (Danger Zone)
Every description above is amplified in a most negative way at this bottom level. People who have suffered stress induced diseases, gone bankrupt more than once, faced prison terms, been disowned by their families, faced physical abuse or fell into drug dependency have been found in this dark level where no one seems to even want any help. Most people at this level are not ready, willing or able to do what they must to leave this ‘place’. Only a dramatic intervention of massive proportions seems to transform these unfortunate people to a higher level on the Self Image scale. It IS possible to get a better self image at this level, but it will require much more effort and determination in this case.

How to Get Any Job You Really Want

2005-08-12T14:08:00.000-05:00

I hope it's never happened to you. I hope you are one of those rare people who have been fortunate enough to keep your job despite the frequent occurrence of firing or downsizing. It's quite an accomplishment today to say you’ve never been involved in a massive job cut or experienced the anxiety of wondering if you will be next as the company clips off department after division.

Downsizing is all the rage in this world of big multinational corporations where human beings are a factor of production and stock holders’ profitable returns are priority.

This article will especially be helpful if you’re a 50+ adult who has already lost your job…or if you’re in jeopardy of losing it. But if you’re HAVEN’T reached that point in your life yet, this system will STILL work for you…but ONLY if you’re willing to do what it takes to land your dream job…

YOUR LAST DAY
I’ve worked with adults for over twenty years, helping them find better ways to get the job they want by doing what most employees never do: Have a back-up plan.

In America today, there’s a widespread and very unproductive belief: "I just never thought it would happen to me." A backup plan is what you NEED to have in place when you sense that your job could be history. This backup plan is especially important if you consider yourself to be a person who does not handle risk very well.

I want you to use this article as a “how-to action plan” to keep your self respect intact, build and maintain your self confidence and as a result, have two employers bidding for you in the end.

Sound impossible? Not if you follow this “how-to action guide”.

CONFIDNECE BOOST
Before beginning, it's important for you to realize that you need self-confidence to follow this action guide properly. If you feel that your confidence needs a boost, you can get it by reading my book, Softhearted Woman Hard World. This book will really help you build up your confidence as it has for so many others.

THE “INVISIBLE” AGE OBSTACLE
Yes, there is NO age prejudice in America today because it is, quote "against the law".

That is the official position, but as you might already know…age prejudice is very hard to prove. Interviewers protect themselves and their employers from “older job candidates” to avoid a potential law suit.

It is important for you to know that the people who will interview you have FEARS. Now, you may not be able to see them shaking behind their desks with fear, but they DO have fears. These fears are about hiring someone over 50 and even 40 in some places. You should be aware of what those interviewer’s fears are:

1. You'll run up their group health insurance premiums
2. You'll have health problems and take too much time off work
3. You won't have the energy to keep up with younger people
4. Younger people will not relate to you
5. The job will be beneath you and you'll get tired of it
6. You will have a bad attitude because you're over 50

(This goes for younger people with little experience also, but the fears are different.)

For younger candidates with little experience, interviewers’ fears are:

1. You’ll require training that can be costly or time consuming
2. You won’t like the job and you’ll quit
3. You’ll make them look bad because you’re inexperienced
4. They are afraid they’ll have to fire you because you’re lacking the skills for the job
5. You won’t be emotionally mature enough for the job (you won’t fit in, or have the “chemistry” for the job)
6. You won’t be reliable enough

Age prejudice in America is definitely working against you, but there IS a way for you to fight back because:

If you’re over 40…

You're not too old - you're wise
You’re not too old - you're street smart
You’re not too old - you're insightful
You’re not too old - you're knowledgeable

And if you’re under 30 (and have little experience)…

You’re not too young – you’re ambitious
You’re not too young – you’re energetic
You’re not too young – you’re sharp and focused
You’re not too young – you’re eager to get the job done

YOU’LL GET THE JOB BY DOING WHAT NO ONE ELSE WILL DO
This action plan is based on the fact that everyone looks for jobs in very predictable ways.

1. They look for companies who advertise job openings
2. They send a resume and fill out a job application
3. They go to a job interview and put on their best face
4. They hide their weaknesses and unattractive job history

These are the conventional methods people use to search for a job and because every one uses them, YOU have the opportunity to STAND OUT from the pack.

With the action plan offered in this article, you will stand out, be remembered and talked about after you leave the building. Employers will seek YOU out instead of you seeking out THEM. They won't be able to resist you….and your age will have nothing to do with it.

YOUR 5 STEP ACTION PLAN TO GETTING ANY JOB YOU REALLY WANT

STEP 1: RESEARCH
In this step, you'll identify ALL the companies in the location you would actually consider working. The reason “all” is capitalized is because you MUST have at least 7 companies for this plan to work. Your research will consist of how far you’ll have to drive, how good their reputation is, how successful the business is, how employee-oriented they are and perhaps how slow they are to fire or hire.

There are many ways to find this out, but the best way is to talk with people who work there. Remember this: it is NOT important that the company be hiring. In fact, it is best if they are NOT hiring. Here's why. In every department of every company, there are certain people under the “watchful eye” of a manger or team leader.

In the vast majority of situations, those people can be described as "on the bubble" which is about to burst. This means that if Harry or Harriett is not performing well, the manager would rather not deal with firing them and hiring another person for the job. For this reason, the manager keeps the under performing person to avoid the fuss of the hiring/firing process.

THIS is your opportunity. Let’s say you met and impressed Henry/Harriett’s manager when you were “NOT looking for a job”. That is exactly what would make you attractive to the manager. Managers dream of the right person being dropped in their lap without the hassle of interviewing and running ads. You would be their dream come true!

When your 7 companies are identified, you need to call each one of them. Your calls will sound like this:

The secretary/receptionist answers the phone.

You ask: "Who would I need to talk with to learn some general information on your company. I was hoping to get a brochure or overview before I visit for a job interview. Would you be able to send that to me?"

You’ll be passed off to the person who handles public relations in larger companies, the human resources department in smaller companies or the owner's secretary in the smallest companies.

STEP 2: STUDY
Through the literature you receive from step 1 as well as your library/Internet searches about these companies, you will have an idea of what the company does to make money, as well as why they are different or better than their competitor. You will be using this information in the following steps.

STEP 3: SET THE INFORMATION APPOINTMENT
Call one of your target companies and say to the person answering the phone, "I'm looking for specific information in (name your area of interest, public relations, marketing, finance, manufacturing, etc) and was hoping I could talk to the person in charge of that area."

The receptionist might respond: "Are you looking for a job?"

You: "No, I'm looking to talk to someone in the manufacturing area because someday, I hope to work there and I would like to learn more about the kinds of people the company is looking for."

The receptionist has never heard this request before, so in order to get off the phone, she passes you on to manufacturing saying, "Just a moment, I'll give you the manufacturing manager."

The phone rings again: "Manufacturing, Judy speaking."

You begin again. "Hello Judy, my name is Joan Smith (always give your name) and I am looking to meet with the person who heads up the manufacturing area."

Naturally, Judy asks something like "May I ask who's calling?" or "Are you looking for a job?"

You: "No, I'm looking to talk with someone in the manufacturing area, because someday I hope to work there and I would like to learn more about the kinds of people the company is looking for."

Because Judy has never heard this before, she passes you on to someone else. "Well, you can probably talk to Doug Richter.” she might say.

You then say: "Could you tell him that Joan Smith is calling and I would just like a minute and a half of his time." Few people are courteous enough to give a time limit to an inquiry call. This shows you are intelligent, considerate and a person to be respected.

Doug answers: "Hello, Doug Richter speaking"

You: "Yes, Mr. Richter, this is Joan Smith. I'm looking for specific information about the kinds of people your company looks for because someday, I hope to work there and I would like to be prepared before I apply at that time. I was hoping to meet with you for 15 to 18 minutes so you could give me this insight. Would Thursday morning be good for you, or is Friday afternoon better?"

Doug has never had such a request. He doesn't really know what to do. He finds it very curious and asks as if he didn't hear you "Are you looking for a job?" he might ask.

You: "No Doug, not right now. Instead, I was just hoping that you would meet with me so I can get your opinions and insight about the kinds of people you usually hire and some overviews about your department and your management methods. I was hoping you'd do this as a kind of community service."

Because you were intelligent, courteous, and mentioned the phrase “community service” Doug grants you a meeting of 15 to 18 minutes. A very specific time that shows you are disciplined.

STEP 4: YOU CONDUCT THE INTERVIEW
You wear a sport coat, dress slacks and a collar shirt if you’re a man (wear a tie if you work in management) and a business suit if you are a woman. You open with: “Thank you very much for allowing me to meet with you Doug. I’ll be sure to watch the time.

(Glance at your watch as you say this)

Remembering the information you learned from the research step, make an opening statement that sounds something like this example statement: “I understand that your company specializes in the rubber covered roll market, supplying flexography printers with replacement rolls. In fact, you have two patents on some unique features that allow you to occupy a special niche in the flexography market. Is that accurate?”

Doug is surprised. He has never head anyone come into the company from the outside and know such specific information. It shows you are intelligent and respectful. He is impressed and answers with more information. You are prepared to take notes and you write as he talks.

You then ask question number 2: “What would you have to see in a person before you would seriously consider hiring them. In other words, if you put a criteria list together for a really good employee in the manufacturing area, what would you put on the list?” While Doug answers, you take notes.

At this time, start to wrap it up with your final questions: “Doug, I have just a couple of final quick questions.

(Q3) Do you look for people who understand the importance of being a self starter?” Doug answers.

(Q4) “Do you look for people who understand the importance of telling the truth?” Doug answers again.

(Q5) “Do you look for people who know how to work with others as a team?” He answers. Then you break this line of questions and close your meeting.

“Doug, my resume is much like other resumes. It won’t help a great deal in considering me if I should apply here someday, but I have something that will. I come with a guarantee. My guarantee is that I will do and be everything on this list. If I don’t do any one of these, you can fire me for my failure to perform what I said I would do.”

As you say this, hand him your guarantee. Close your notes and get up from the chair. As you do this, look at your watch and say “This has been very helpful Doug. Thanks so much for your time and I do believe I will apply here in the future.” NEVER stay around and talk. It is far better if Doug calls you later on.

You then shake hands and leave the office. You have just made a fantastic impression in 18 minutes. Your interviewer is amazed that you were only concerned about the company and his opinion. Notice that you didn’t TELL him anything about you.

Your interviewer will study your simple guarantee and talk to other managers referring to you as “the person with the guarantee”. No job candidate has ever come with a guarantee except you. In many cases, you will be called back because Harry and Harriet need to be moving on and you suddenly look like an excellent replacement. Good people like you are hard to find.

Do this same process with the rest of your companies in the space of 4 weeks. Don’t let the 7 meetings take place outside of a four week window. The goal is to have two companies bidding for you which will allow you to start at a higher salary. Follow these instructions and you won’t need any luck in your job search at all. You’re determining YOUR OWN DESTINY.
________________________________________________________________

Here’s an example of what your employment guarantee might look like…

(Joe Smith’s) EMPLOYMENT GUARANTEE
At the top, put your name, address, phone and email. (The wording of your guarantee must match your own philosophies, but these are the issues to write about)

1. My Philosophy about being a SELF STARTER: I believe my employer wants motivated people on the work team. I’ll work to stay mentally motivated and take initiative in my job to be both dependable and productive.

2. My Philosophy about TAKING CHARAGE OF MY AREA AND SEEING THINGS THROUGH: Nothing motivates me more than the pride I feel when my work is accepted because of its quality. In order to accomplish this, I enjoy being responsible for my part of a project, along with meeting necessary deadlines.

3. My Philosophy about BEING ORGANIZED: I have found that being neat and organized helps me get more done in less time each day. As I become more personally organized, other people are more willing to rely on me. I make a daily effort toward improving in the area of organization.

4. My Philosophy about GETTING WORK DONE ON TIME: As part of a working team, I know the importance of delivering my work either to the end customer, or to the “internal customer” within the time agreed. I believe that missed deadlines tend to reflect poorly on my customer’s perception of my work.

5. My Philosophy about MY HEALTH: In order to stay productive, I need energy. To do this I maintain balance in eating, sleeping and exercise habits, while I avoid all the various “bad” habits of cigarettes, alcohol, etc.

6. My Philosophy about GETTING ALONG WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE: I have found that people who are negative in the work place, often have some other problem not directly related to work. I try to ask non-threatening questions in order to find out the actual cause of their problem and hopefully bring something positive to the relationship.

7. My Philosophy about TELLING THE TRUTH: I always like to be truthful about things because lying takes too much energy to remember the “made up truth”. The truth is easier and earns more respect from others.

8. My Philosophy about WORK TIME VS. FAMILY/SOCIAL TIME: I believe if I am gong to set myself apart from others, I need to improve my skills. I spend time outside of work improving myself but I also believe in having fun, so I set time aside to build friendships outside of work.

9. My Philosophy about MY CAREER AND THE FUTURE: If I work hard learning ‘on the job’ skills from people with experience, when I combine this knowledge with outside study, I will eventually raise my standard of living. I do this rather than expecting raises just because I show up for work.

10. My Philosophy about WORKING WITH OTHERS AS A TEAM: I work well within the structure of a team. In an effective working team, I have the opportunity to compliment other peoples’ skills and stand out in special situations where going the extra mile is a critical ingredient.

So there you have it. Put this action plan to use and you’ll be sure to land any job you want. I’ve effectively used this system with people for over 20 years…and it works EVERY TIME. The only factor that may stop you from getting the job is if you are lacking the confidence to do these steps.

So once again, if you need a confidence booster, you can read Softhearted Woman Hard World, and I guarantee you’ll have a whole different perspective on your self image and on your purpose in life. Just give this action plan a try…even if you are not sure it will work for you.

You’ll never know unless you give it a try.

All the best,

Larry Bilotta

http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com

P.S. If you DO decide to give this step-by-step action plan, I'd LOVE to hear your results! Feel free to post them on this blog for everyone to see or just send me an email at larry@selfesteemsecrets4women.com.

Before You BLAME Your Father... Read This!

2005-07-15T15:34:00.000-05:00

An insightful comment came to me from a reader of my article
last week about the secret of becoming a real dad. This
person put ideas into words that I’ve heard expressed many
times as people react to my Real Dad premise about what a
man must do to create happy and highly productive children.

One of the comments I received said that two points are
valid…

1) “Though it is true our father and mother impact us a
great deal as children, we cannot blame our parents for our
current failures…”

(I agree!) I’ll explain more in a moment…

2) “We have to take responsibility for the adult choices we
make.”

(I totally agree with this also.)

I openly admit that I believed the same thing for many
years. I would make comments to others when the subject
came up. “Well, you know you can’t blame your parents for
all your troubles. You’ve got to pull yourself up by your
own bootstraps and make something of your life.”

General statements sound good and seem like common sense but
they are vague. We still don’t have a solution. The Real
Dad message is aimed at creating a solution.

What I was trying to do with the Real Dad article is give
fathers a target or goal that they can strive to achieve.
That target is the simple definition of a Real Dad.

I hope you didn’t get the wrong idea about the Real Dad
article simply placing 100% of the blame on fathers….that
was not my main objective.

Blaming someone for your pain is something that people do to
gain a sense of relief when they know they’re wrong but
can’t seem to change what they do.

The Real Dad message says that what your father did or
didn’t do doesn’t matter any more. It’s history. There’s
nothing you can do to change your past.

So should your father be blamed for dumping his bad values
on you? What good would it do?

Since your father can’t repair the damage he did, placing
blame on him is only a temporarily emotional relief that
will quickly wear off. And where does that leave you?
That’s right. Back to square 1 - stuck with your emotional
pain once again.

Bottom line? Don’t blame your dad for what he did back in
your childhood. He did what he did based on what he knew at
the time. (Actually, what he learned from HIS father.)

The Roles of a Mother and Father

The mother creates a child’s emotional make-up, shows
concern for feelings and is tuned into emotion. Compassion,
wisdom and education are her first concerns.

The father has a very different role in the first ten years
of a child’s life. He will work on the outside of the
child. He will work on behavior - his children’s actions.

Mothers = focus on inside emotions and create outside social
skills.

Fathers = focus on outside behavior and create inside
emotional security.

The definition of a Real Dad accurately portrays exactly how
he must raise a confident and successful child….

A Real Dad will be consistently tough but fair. He will
take a genuine interest in the challenges, opportunities and
joys of that child, while treating this particular child as
a unique individual.

Our society has put all the weight on mothers to be the
emotional foundation for children and if the kids turn out
troubled, we tend to look at the mother with our first
suspicion.

But fathers? Our world thinks of them as what they were
before the 1960’s, minus any respect they might have won.
Fathers are just the bread winners. They might be called
providers, but with half of all women working, not even that
seems to give them much respect.

This is the reason why fathers need to hear these two
messages…

1) You are desperately needed in your child’s life because
it is you and you alone who will determine how emotionally
secure that son or daughter is as an adult.

2) You must focus on one single definition that will keep
you going in the right direction as you raise your child,
the future of our society.

The more anger or fear a child has in the first ten years of
his or her life, the more trouble they are or have today.
Those first 10 years determine if the child will be an asset
to our society or if they will become a liability.

(Note: I will be referring to the first ten years of a
child’s life as the most important throughout this article
because that’s when the child’s brain is first forming. The
child absorbs everything around him/her and this shapes
his/her way of life as an adult.)

If a son has a strong temperament at birth, a troubled
father who is abusive will cause him to live with angry
emotions for the rest of his life. As you might expect,
that angry son becomes an angry man who causes trouble for
all of us who surround him.

Then there are the fearful children. These are the softer
natured children who deal with their fears by running away.
If a son has a softer nature at birth, a trouble father who
is abusive will cause him to live with fear for the rest of
his life.

Again, you can expect that this fearful son will cause
trouble, not for others, but for himself as he keeps running
from what he perceives to be dangerous situations…a job with
more responsibility, a larger new home, a new circle of
friends, etc.

How we can bring this message of positive parenting to the
people who need to hear it…

Every day I work with parents who have troubled marriages.
They come to me because they are in danger of getting a
divorce. They are angry and blaming each other and they
have no ability to fix what is wrong.

I get involved with couple after couple and hear the story
of their troubled fathers in every case. Remember how
troubled fathers = troubled children?

There is only one kind of person who is an exception to this
rule. I call them the “buckers”.

These are the people who grow up with a troubled father and
decide with great determination that they will go the
absolute opposite way and work hard toward creating a better
life. Most buckers do succeed, though with some side
effects of quirky behavior.

I call them “Buckers” because they are “bucking” their
father’s value system. They create a life of their own with
new and improved POSITIVE values. (This goes for women
also.)

Unfortunately, most sons of troubled fathers are not
“Buckers”. The purpose of my Real Dad article is to reach
men and simply let them know that:…

1) You are desperately needed in your child’s life
because it is you and you alone who will determine
how emotionally secure your son or daughter is as an
adult. Your wife is not wired to do it.

2) Focus on the Real Dad definition. It will keep
you going in the right direction as you complete
this important job of raising a confident and
successful child who will contribute to our nations’
future.

So please, spread the word to the men you know about what a
Real Dad is and why it is important to become one. I do not
want to put emphasis on BLAMING fathers, but instead on what
we can do to stop the vicious cycle of troubled fathers
creating troubled children.

The Secret To Becoming a Real Dad- How Would You Rate Yours?

2005-07-08T16:34:00.000-05:00

Why read YET ANOTHER well researched study, grinding out the insignificant details of who, what, when, where and why we have yet another social problem?

All problems in our society really only come from ONE problem. The trouble in our past, present and future can be explained in one simple sentence….

Failed fathers create challenging and troubled children!

Oh! You don’t believe it? You think it’s much more complicated than that? Allow me to prove that it’s not complicated at all.

Let me take you on a brief history tour of ‘failing fathers’ so you can see what kind of children they’ve produced.

Let’s start with Saddam Hussein…

When Saddam Hussein’s father Hussein al-Majid fled the family, it was up to Saddam’s mother Subha to raise him. When she could not, little Saddam was given over to his uncle Khairallah Tulfah, an army officer and fervent Arab nationalist.

A deep bond between Saddam and his uncle Khairallah developed. Khairalla was an argumentative and bad tempered individual but he inspired great respect and hero worship in young Saddam.

When Saddam was still a boy, Khairalla was expelled from the army and sent to prison for five years because of his public sympathy for Adolf Hitler and the Nazi belief system.

Saddam missed him greatly. With Khairalla away at prison, young Saddam was sent back to his mother who had now remarried a poor and reportedly lazy peasant named Hassan al-Ibrahim.

By the time Saddam rejoined the family, he found several new half brothers and sisters waiting for him. Saddam’s step father found him to be an inconvenience.

“Saddam was badly neglected except when Hassan would take delight in beating him with any blunt device that was handy.” (1)

And what kind of adult did Saddam grow up to be? I don’t think I even need to answer that.

Let’s move on to Adolph Hitler…

“Adolph Hitler’s father Alois was more than strict. His oldest son Alois Jr ran away from home because he could not endure the violent beatings at his father’s hands, so Alois Hitler turned his attentions on Adolph, giving him sound thrashings every day.” (2)

What about Joseph Stalin?

Joseph Stalin’s mother was described as strict, but what created the power of a dictator was his father Vissarion. Frequently drunk, Vissarion inflicted brutal blows on young Joseph.

“He lived years watching his father drink up his small wages as his mother slaved over a sewing machine in factory labor. Vissarion’s years of cruel treatment developed a vindictive attitude in Joseph Stalin that gave birth to a seething revenge against anyone in authority.” (3)

And Karl Marx?

Karl Marx, the creator of communism, was born to Jewish parents and watched as his father Heinrich denied his Jewish heritage and converted to Christianity solely as a business decision.

“Even as Heinrich Marx denied the tenets of his heritage, he embraced humanist beliefs that men were by nature good and all equally rational, and the cause of human misery was simply ignorance.” (4)

No matter where you look, when you find suffering, loss, pain and sorrow, it is created by a leader who was raised by a failing father (or lack thereof).

Not convinced with world dictators? Let’s move closer to home.

How many prisons are operating today? According to the Bureau of Justice there are now “1,664 prisons holding 1,214,969 prisoners!” (5) And that’s just the men!

These prisons were built by tax paying Americans so we can enjoy the benefits of our law abiding way of life. To protect this, we take over a million men and lock them away from the rest of us because of the danger that they represent.

And how many of those 1,214,969 men come from troubled fathers?

About 85% of them (6).

Prisons exist because of troubled fathers. Whether it’s minimum, medium or maximum security prisons, troubled fathers put those men there. Their fathers put them in a condition and in a position where they are dangerous to the rest of us.

Do you need to know about the father of Al Capone, John Dillinger, Jeffrey Dahmer or any other man on the very long list of cruel and morally disfigured men? I didn’t think so. The stories are basically the same…failing fathers.

I said it before and I will say it again, there is no problem in our lives except a father problem!

BUT…if there are failing fathers, then there are also FAITHFUL fathers….

You may not know much about history’s great fathers so I’ll fill you in…

The story you always heard about honest George Washington and the cherry tree incident cannot be confirmed through George Washington’s family history, but what you didn’t know is that our nation's first president's father was very fond of his children according to George Washington’s memory of him.

His father, Augustine Washington, instilled a work ethic and integrity into little George as he built farms and a mining business.

Mary Washington, George's mother, cared deeply for her children, writing to George “I am, my dear George, your loving and affectionate mother.” He in turn referred to her as “my revered Mother, by whose maternal hand I was led from childhood.”

“Even though Augustine Washington did not live to see George’s twelfth birthday, he fully imprinted his values on George in his most formative years. It was George’s mother Mary who continued to reinforce his father’s lofty values, the values that would create one of the greatest American presidents.” (7)

What about Abraham Lincoln?

You know about his unwillingness to quit despite multiple defeats, but you didn’t know that his work ethic came from his father Tom Lincoln, the cutting edge farmer who turned wild acres into farm land.

Tom showed his pride in his son’s education, even though he could not teach Abe knowledge from books. He did instill the determination to never quit under any circumstances as he encouraged Abe to pursue the talents of his bright mind.

“Abe’s father knew he was destined for greater things. When young Abe’s parents Tom and Nancy moved the family to Indiana wild country to begin a new farm, they read Abe Bible tales and taught him the Calvinist Christian view of the world.” (8)

Martin Luther King Jr….

Martin Luther King Jr. made history as the leader of America's desegregation, but what you didn’t know is that Martin’s father, Martin Luther King Sr. was described by Martin Jr. this way: “My strong determination for justice comes from the very strong and dynamic personality of my father.”

Martin Jr. had one particular childhood memory etched into his mind. His father took him to Atlanta’s segregated downtown to buy shoes. When the clerk insisted that father and son move to the back of the store to be waited on, Martin Jr. watched his father speak firmly to the clerk saying “We’ll either buy shoes sitting here, or we won’t buy shoes at all.”

“Martin Sr. took young Martin’s hand and confidently walked out of the store.” (9)

Even if you’re not interested in football, you know Vince Lombardi. You can’t read a book on success where Lombardi is not quoted. You know about Vince Lombardi, but you don’t know about Harry, the father who made the man. Harry Lombardi showed a gruff exterior and talked tough about pain saying “No one’s ever hurt. Hurt is in your mind.”

Harry sometimes lectured Vince on his triangle of success: sense of duty, respect for authority and strong mental discipline.

“Harry Lombardi regaled his children with philosophies about freedom and responsibility. Vince’s father expected him to worship every day when he was growing up so it had become as much a matter of discipline and routine as devotion.” (10)

So there you have it…Saddam Hussein, Joseph Stalin, Karl Marx, Adolph Hitler…children of failing fathers.

George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., Vince Lombardi…children of FAITHFUL fathers.

Any questions?

Do you have marriage trouble, employee trouble or boss trouble? Do you have an endless stream of life’s troubles that won’t leave you feeling safe or secure? It’s simply, completely and forever a father problem.

It’s a simple fact of life…the more ANGER or FEAR you had in the first 10 years of your childhood, the more trouble you ARE or HAVE today.

Did you end up with a failing father? Want to know how you can be certain?

You can be sure by giving your father the Real Dad Score using the Real Dad definition.

What is the Real Dad definition? It’s the definition that sets the standard for what a true father must be in order to turn out positive, productive, contributing adults which create successful future generations.

Here’s the definition of a Real Dad…

A Real Dad is consistently tough but fair. He takes a genuine interest in the challenges, opportunities and joys of each of his unique children.

That’s it. Imagine what the world would be like if every father could fulfill that single, simple definition. What kind of nation would we have?

Let’s move on to finding your Real Dad score…

Giving your father a Real Dad score is very easy. First, scan your memories of the first ten years of your life. These were the first ten years when your brain neurons were being formed. These are the years that really mattered.

In those ten years, score your father against the definition. On a 100% down to 0% scale, your dad was consistently tough but fair; he took a genuine interest in your challenges, opportunities and joys and he treated you like a unique person.

Now scan your first ten years of memories, some scenes with your father may jump out, but beyond those, you have this feeling, this sense about your father in that childhood time that allows you to emotionally, yet accurately give him a rating against this very simple standard of what a Real Dad is.

If your father scored in the 90%’s, you are a very successful person and everything you touch turns into something good. It doesn’t mean your life is trouble free, but it does mean that you get through troubles and come out on the other side in a better condition than when you went in.

Most of all, you learn from your mistakes and don’t make them a way of life.

If your father scored in the 80’s, you are leading a content life where struggles are few and far between, certainly not a pattern. You’re still successful.

If your father scored in the 70’s you may have some issues, but they are not anything you can’t work around. Some anger, some fear but you can do what you need to deal with it.

A Real Dad score in the 60’s range shows the beginning of life troubles. Failing fathers produce patterns of difficulty in family, friends, self image, health, money, time and peace of mind that are troubling and persistent throughout the lives of their children.

Look around you. You have uncles, grandfathers and dads. Look at their children. You know their children! Know any challenging children in your family tree? Look at their fathers.

You’ve heard the slogan, but now you can see the truth in it: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” That’s the profound truth. The father makes the quality of apple, (son/daughter), and with few exceptions, apples stay where they fall.

Real Dad scores in the 50’s and below are much more intense. As your Real Dad score drops below the 50’s, trouble has been a pattern of your life. This trouble can come out in a multitude of ways, but the worst sides of your father are coming out in you through your career, your marriage, your social life and everything!

Do you have a raging temper when situations become frustrating? Just look to your dad. Do you have the ability to win friends and influence people? Thank your dad.

Real Dad is a phrase that describes the adult male who was present in your first ten years of life. The most successful people have their biological father as the person who fulfills the Real Dad definition, but in life, that is not always possible.

It is so very important for you to know that the life your father gave you is not your fault. You were “programmed” at a time when you did not have all the facts. You were not able to logically sort out your own opinions. You took on your father’s values without even knowing it.

If you have troubles today, it’s NOT your fault, but it IS your responsibility to take control of them.

There are ways for you to change course on those values that bring trouble to yourself and others.

I've written a book that will show you how to bring your troubles to an end by building your self-esteem and controlling your negative feelings.

It is based on everything I've learned over the past 30 years in an effort to make up for what I was 'missing'...because I was NOT raised by a Real Dad.

Should you blame your father with anger and resent that he saddled you with these problems? How could you?

Your father did everything based on what he knew at the time. What else could he do? Become a wonderful father suddenly?

After all, it was your grandfather’s values that your father was living off of. This is the reason generations of successful families produce generations of successful adults as seen in the case of the Rockefeller and the DuPont’s. It’s also the reason there are “crime families”.

So what can you do to become a Real Dad if you’re not gifted by the father you were given?

First you must really and truly want to do it. Do you have a child or children you feel responsible for? Do you feel something deep inside that makes you about what kind of adults they will become?

If you did not have a Real Dad yourself, you must find out whether or not there a desire inside you to change the course of history for your children.

If you have this desire, then you need a single thing to focus on. You must focus on one idea that will act as your faithful compass. This compass is one message that puts everything you need in one place, with one goal: Become a Real Dad.

The following statement is what you must follow in every situation with your children. Without this compass, you’ll drift and forget.

Here is your compass…

I am a Real Dad. I am consistently tough but fair. I take a genuine interest in the challenges, opportunities and joys of each of my unique children.

Repeat this to yourself. Repeat it again. Say it over and over while you’re driving in the car alone.

Say it under your breath when your children are testing you in their most difficult moments.

At the end of this article is the compass set in type that you can hang on the wall or carry it in your wallet. If you are serious about becoming a Real Dad, put one in your bedroom, your living room, your bathroom and your kitchen.

You children will even help you remember. They will quote the Real Dad definition and view you as a faithful father.

During those times when your children challenge you and test your patience, you must resist the urge to give in to your negative feelings. Your children need you to succeed. No matter where they are in those critical ten years, they will be cheering you on to be a Faithful Father…a Real Dad.

Now, some important definitions:

CONSISTENT: This means you are not controlled by your moods. You don’t ignore a discipline problem on Tuesday, and then pounce on your children for the same act on Wednesday.

TOUGH: This means you learn how to discipline your children from people wiser than you. Your toughness is appropriate, but never overboard. You set limits for your kids and those limits are strong, firm and based on positive values. When you are tough, you always remain emotionally in control.

FAIR: You are not a pushover and you are not weak. You are fair. You know how to forgive your children and teach them through every day situations. You teach but also listen to their ideas, giving them the benefit of the doubt when you must.

GENUINE INTEREST: If most fathers were really honest, they would admit their interests are often for themselves and not their children. Showing a genuine interest in your children on a consistent basis requires you to stay focused on a big cause…you are producing America’s future adults and you are doing it now, tomorrow afternoon, at the ice cream stand and the community pool. Let them know they are very important to you.

CHALLENGES: Children must learn through failure. When they fail, you, their father, must give them the opportunity to discover that ALL growth takes place through failures, not successes. Show them how to get up and get through it.

OPPORTUNITIES: Your children’s opportunities are tiny compared to yours, but you must notice when a new event brings them a chance to learn- a vacation invitation with a friends’ family, a new club to join, a lemonade stand. Encourage their opportunities to learn about this world. Be interested and ask questions to get them thinking.

JOYS: When things go right, dad and his kids must celebrate. You must notice and get just as happy as they are. Joy is what happens between a father and his children when failures have done their work and success arrives in small and large doses.

UNIQUE: Each of your children is not the same. Notice all the ways they show their uniqueness. Let them know you notice in a multitude of ways and they will be fiercely loyal to you.
__________________________________________________________

If you want to know more about how your values pass from generation to generation, read the article “Your Invisible Lifestyle: Is it helping or hurting your marriage?” available from the author along with the definitions of A Real Mom, A Real Husband and A Real Wife. Contact the author at larry@winrprofile.com.

References:

(1) Saddam, King Of Terror -Con Coughlin -Thorndike Press

(2) Hitler, The Pictorial Documentary of His Life -John Toland -Doubleday & Company

(3) Stalin As Revolutionary -A study in history and personality- Robert Tucker -W.W. Norton & Company

(4) Karl Mark, His Life and Thought -David McLellan -Harper & Row

(5) Bureau of Justice

(6) Divorcemag.com

(7) All Cloudless Glory, The Life of George Washington, from Youth to Yorktown -Harrison Clark -Regnery Publishing

(8) Abraham Lincoln - Thomas Keneally -Thorndike Press

(9) The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. -Warner Books

(10) When Pride Still Mattered -A Life of Vince Lombardi -David Maraniss -Thorndike Press

2005-06-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Do you view someone close to you as just plain MEAN or INSENSITIVE?

I know I used to. In fact, I used to think that my wife’s
favorite pastime was yelling at me…that is, until I discovered
the secret of ‘SOFT’ and ‘HARD’ people.

(More on that in a moment.)

I remember, during our first year of marriage, I was having
problems with one of my employees. (I owned an ad agency at
the time.) My wife told me to just go up to him and CONFRONT
him. “Just tell it like it is!” She’d say.

“Yeah right.” I thought to myself…easier said than done. I
HATED conflict and I still do. And I used to avoid it at all
costs. I just wished my wife would understand how DIFFICULT
it was for me to go up to someone and confront them!

I would much rather just let the ‘storm blow over’ and hope
for the best.

Every day I would come home from work and she’d drill me….
“Did you confront John yet? I told you to do it today…did you?”

“Well..um..no.” I’d sheepishly say under my breath.

And that’s all it took. She’d just EXPLODE.

She’d scream at the top of her lungs as if I was 40 miles
away...“I told you to…why don’t you ever listen…why don’t you
get a backbone!?!”

“Blah..blah…blah…you’re a moron..blah…blah” is all I’d hear.
I quickly learned to just tune her out and “ride out the storm.”

One of my wife’s favorite sayings was…”What’s wrong with you?!?!”

Eventually, I realized that my wife had lost complete control
over her negative feelings. And I just wanted to get away, but
that wasn’t an option for me.

All this yelling DID take a toll on me however; it drove me
to find a solution. To make a long story short, I started
putting together patterns of people’s behavior and I stumbled
upon a secret that single-handedly helped me maintain my sanity.

And that secret was…The concept of Soft and Hard people.

Let me explain ‘in a nutshell’ exactly what it’s all about…

All people are either ‘Soft’, ‘Hard’ or what I call ‘Balancing’.

If you are Soft, you:

- nurture naturally
- you’re sensitive
- you’re warm
- you’re thoughtful
- you hurt when others hurt
- you feel what others are feeling
- you really do care what others think of you
- you want to be accepted by everyone close to you
- you are very uncomfortable with conflict
- you put the needs of others ahead of your own
- you care a lot; you can’t help but care

Does this describe you? If so, congratulations…you are
a Softhearted person. And although these are wonderful traits
to have, your greatest strengths often come at a price. The
price you pay is a pressure you feel inside but others do not
understand. It is an emotional pressure you experience during
those little instances of daily life.

(Like the situation with my past employee and my wife that
I described earlier in this email.)

And if you ARE Softhearted, the nurturing ways you’ve been
comfortable with all your life are very foreign to another
group of people.

This group of men and women are called Hard people and
they do not accept Soft qualities like tenderness and
sensitivity as a way of life for themselves. Their direct
and at times, rigid ways result in treating Softhearted
people with very little patience or flexibility.

Just as my wife did…and STILL does for that matter. But
understanding WHY she is this way made a WORLD of a
difference in our marriage.

But what you must understand about Hard people is that their
way of life, much unlike Softhearted people, is one of
determination, confidence and getting results. They want to
get to the bottom line and they want to get there FAST…even
if it means ‘steamrolling’ over Softhearted people (like me)
to get there.

And let’s not forget about the Balancing’ person. These people
are sort of a mix between both Soft and Hard people. They have
often described themselves to me as ‘switching’ from Soft to
Hard as different situations arise. It’s almost like they have
2 different personalities. These people can often relate to
almost anyone because of their love for both the Soft and Hard
traits. In essence, they are constantly ‘balancing’ between Soft
and Hard on a daily basis.

So let me ask you again…

Is there someone in your life who is causing you pain because
they are dear to you, but they often come off as INSENSITIVE
or just plain MEAN?

If there is, I’m willing to bet that they are a Hard person…
and you are a Soft person. Soft and Hard people are often
attracted to each other because the other possesses traits
that they do not have themselves. But more often than not,
once they get to know each other, instead of being like
‘2 peas in a pod’, they’re more like…oil and water.

The bottom line is that neither Soft or Hard people are the
“bad guy”. They just have very different ways and beliefs.
The key is learning how to understand how each of them need
to be treated.

For instance, if there is a Hard person in your life, and
you want them to do something for you, instead of TELLING
them what to do, try rephrasing your request into the form
of a question.

Demands just make Hard people’s negative feelings come out.
But questions are a non-threatening way of getting Hard
people to do something because they like to be the one
GIVING the commands, not TAKING them.

This little tip alone made a significant difference in one
woman’s marriage when she stopped ‘telling’ her husband what
needed to be done and started ‘asking’ him instead. (When he
saw that his wife was treating him differently, he started
treating her with more acceptance and patience too!)

If you’ve found this insight helpful and you want to learn
more about Soft and Hard people, (especially if you are a
Softhearted woman married to a Hard man), I highly recommend
you read the book “Softhearted Woman Hard World”.

(But lately I’m finding that Hard men married to Softhearted
women have been finding relief in reading the book themselves
because they are able to finally understand why their wife’s
ways are so radically different from them.)

Take care,

Larry Bilotta

How to Overcome Procrastination in 4 Simple Steps

2005-06-02T09:53:00.000-05:00

If procrastination is holding you back in life, these 4 simple steps are a sure way to help you overcome your endless struggle with procrastination. You'll soon be able to achieve those
daunting tasks and in some cases, even look forward to doing them!

Step 1: Identify the REAL cause of your procrastination

The first step is finding out what causes procrastination. People often use the word as if procrastination itself is the problem. For example, "You know, I really have a problem with
procrastination." But procrastination itself is NOT the problem - it is only the symptom.

Start by picking a task you know you should do, but have put off for a long time. Is this something you dread doing because it is not in line with who you are?

For example, I had a friend whose son always turned his homework in late. He constantly put it off until the very last minute - even after being penalized, still nothing changed. It took a caring
teacher to really dig into the problem to find out what it was.

The boy, as it turned out, was afraid of getting a bad grade on his homework. Without even thinking about it, he would put it off until the pain of turning it in late became greater than his fear of getting a bad grade.

In his mind, he was actually protecting himself from a potentially painful situation. The apparent reason for his procrastination was: I’m too busy with my after-school projects. The REAL reason for his procrastination: I’m afraid I might fail. To find the source of your procrastination, ask yourself the following questions:

1) Am I putting it off because I’m just not good at it?

2) Am I putting it off because I’m afraid I might fail or because I am afraid of what might happen?

Step 2: Create an action plan that’s in line with your strengths

After you discover the real reason for your procrastination, the next step is finding a way to get the job done that is in line with something you LIKE to do.

Let's say you really like to be with people, but you have a term paper that you must get done. The truth is that you don't want to write the paper because you have to do it by yourself. The problem is that your strength is being with people but this paper forces you to work alone.

The solution? Try inviting a friend over to help you. (This friend must have your best interest in mind). They won’t write your paper for you, but you can bounce ideas off of them. This solution would make writing a paper much more appealing to you when you know you
won't have to "go it alone." You can do this with any task you need to get done, but have put off in the past because it was not in line with one of your strengths.

Step 3: How fear of failure can be the cause of procrastination

One big reason that many people struggle with procrastination is because they’re afraid that they might fail. But what is REALLY driving this fear of failure? In most cases, it's because of that little voice inside your head that tells you you're just not good enough.

The voice goes like this: I know I need to look for a new job, but I'm so afraid of interviews. What if I say something stupid? I’ll just wait till next week when there are more jobs in the paper and I can get someone to write a better resume.

Do you see how that little voice is creating the thoughts that cause procrastination? You start with good intentions, but they quickly get shot down by that little voice inside your head". So how can you stop this from happening?

Step 4: How to stop making excuses and start getting things done!

The next step is overcoming that "little voice" and getting rid of it the moment it begins to invent excuses that cause you to procrastinate. Keep reading to find out about a FREE 7-day
email course that shows you exactly how to do this.

Be sure to take notes on these 4 simple steps and practice them so you can put those unproductive days behind you. Since you now know the real cause of procrastination, you can go right to the source and eliminate that little voice inside your head.

Larry Bilotta, the leading authority on understanding people, has been helping people build their self esteem, reduce stress and improve their marriages for over 12 years! Get your FREE 7-day email course on how to overcome your negative feelings in 20 seconds by going to: http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/selfesteem.html.

Why Aren’t YOU Using This Stress Relief Technique?

2005-05-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

It’s unbelievable how many people let their negative feelings run
their life. And chances are…YOU are one of them. You’re about to
discover how to use a simple stress relief technique to live
HAPPILY when things don’t go your way….even if your life is
filled with conflict and turmoil right now…and you can’t see a
way out.

Are you a SLAVE to your circumstances? What I mean is; do you let
the ups and downs of life control how you feel inside? If you do,
don’t worry…you’re not alone.

Most people believe that it is the events that happen in life
that make you feel a certain way. For instance, you get a
promotion…you feel good. A plane crashes…you feel bad. But what
if that promotion added a significant amount of pressure to your
job which made each day more stressful than the next? And what if
the plane that crashed was an unmanned test plane built to save
thousands of lives?

Despite what you may have heard, events themselves have NO
MEANING. It’s true. It is not the events (the things that
happen) around you that control how you feel. It’s something else
entirely.

If the circumstances in your life are not what make you feel good
or bad, then WHAT DOES? This is one of the key points in this
stress relief technique, so pay close attention….

It is NOT the people in your life OR the events that happen
around you that control the way you feel. Instead, the answer
is…YOU. Only YOU have the power to control your feelings.

I’ll prove it….

Imagine you’re laying in a hammock on vacation in Hawaii. It’s a
beautiful day and nothing could make the day any more perfect.
Then suddenly you get a call on your cell phone from your boss
with news that a major corporation has just bought out your
employer and hired a completely new staff…leaving you without a
job!

Immediately your imagination becomes flooded with thoughts of
your endless search for a job. You picture bill collectors
‘knocking at your door’ demanding last months mortgage payment
and the bank coming to repossess your home…until almost instantly
you start to feel nauseous.

Did you read that last part about when you start to FEEL
nauseous? What’s happening in reality is you’re sitting on the
beach enjoying your vacation….but what’s happening in your
imagination is a series of negative images or ‘pictures’ caused
by this sudden turn of events.

Now how could that be? If events around you control the way you
feel…then how could you feel so miserable when in REALITY, you’re
laying in a hammock on a beautiful beach?

Simple. Because you let your imagination take over. Instead of
thinking about reality, (the beautiful day on the beach) your
mind was focused on the terrible images of what MIGHT happen when
you return from your vacation.

So what’s a better way to handle the situation? Simply follow
this stress relief technique and change the ‘picture’ in your
imagination. Just think how you’d feel if, instead of dwelling on
the negative events that MIGHT happen in the future, you thought
of something positive instead.

Rather than instantly reacting to an event, just change the
‘picture’ in your imagination using this simple stress relief
technique. You can do this by thinking of a good memory from your
past that makes you feel warm and secure.

Now I know you may be thinking…“Yeah right, easier said than
done”, but just think of the benefit of doing this…

Let’s say you receive the bad news from your boss, and instead of
letting yourself get worked up over it, you follow this stress
relief technique and think of your most cherished memory in
life….the one that instantly makes you feel good. How can you
feel miserable when you’re basically ‘reliving’ this comforting
moment from your past? You can’t! That’s the power of this stress
relief technique!

You’ll immediately start to feel very good because you’re
‘reliving’ your wonderful memory in your imagination.

Make no mistake: I’m not telling you to be completely oblivious
of the problems around you, but the bottom line is this: you can
only make rational decisions when you’re thinking CLEARLY. And
how do you expect to think clearly when your imagination is
filled with negative ‘pictures’ that create stress, fear and
anxiety?

What it all boils down to is this…if you let the ups and downs of
life control your thoughts and feelings, you’re destined for a
very unhappy and unproductive life. This stress relief technique
will not only help you replace your negative thoughts with more
positive ones, but you’ll also be able to LEARN from your
experiences, instead of dwelling on them.

Larry Bilotta’s FRE.E 7-day email course shows you how to quickly
and easily eliminate your negative thoughts, STOP dwelling on
your problems and START feeling better about yourself. Just go to
http://www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/selfesteem.html

How To Get Over Your Need For Acceptance And Get On With Your Life

2005-05-14T15:04:00.000-05:00

Imagine what your life would be like if you could just be yourself, without thinking twice about what other people think of you! Here are four quick tips that will help you learn how to accept yourself. Make these four things a part of your daily routine and you’ll find people will judge you less and accept you more!

1. See Yourself as a Success

You’re probably familiar with that little voice inside your head that tells you you’re never good enough. Instead of letting that voice continuously judge what you didn’t do right; focus on an actual moment in your life that makes you feel wonderful.

This could be a moment at your wedding, the birth of your first child or a great victory you achieved. Picture it as if you were living it all over again. Right before you think of this moment, say these words: "You know what this (say the bad feeling you are having right then) reminds me of? It reminds me of the time..."

Then remember or in essence "live out" your great moment. End the moment with the words "That’s what this reminds me of." This is exactly what Olympic athletes have done for years to increase their physical performance. They see it first in their imagination and then they reach their goals.

2. Restore Your Self Confidence

The second key to getting over your need for acceptance is self-confidence. Confidence is the result of how you see yourself in your imagination. The way your nervous system makes you feel is the direct result of what’s going on in your imagination.

That’s why when someone describes a great meal; you begin to salivate even though there is no actual food in reality. To your nervous system, this ‘food’ is more real than actual food itself. Since that’s the case, just think what would happen if you imagined yourself being successful and confident?

When you see confidence in your imagination, your nervous system believes you are confident which changes the vibes you give off. People will treat you better because they can feel your success and want to be around it. THIS is what actually makes you stop worrying about what others think of you. Those days of wishing someone would take an interest in you can now be ancient history.

3. Find A Career That Truly Fits "The Real You"

This step may seem like it has no connection to the previous steps, but it goes hand in hand with learning how to accept yourself. An easy way to build your self-confidence is to do what you truly were meant to do in life. What are you passionate about? What have others told you, you were good at?

To learn exactly how to do this, there is no better book than What Color Is Your Parachute? By Nelson Bolles. Just go to Amazon.com and type the name of the book in the search box to find it. Match your talents to your career and see your confidence begin to increase every day!

4. Get "Back To The Basics"

Most people are not sure what happiness really is. Many say that money would make them happy. But it’s not money at all. People don’t want money! They want what money can BUY. They remember that buying new things makes them feel happy, but this is only one form of happiness. True happiness comes when you can make a difference in the life of another person and realize how much it meant to them.

Lending someone a helping hand not only brightens their day, but you will be able to reap the effects of, if only for a brief moment, true happiness.

Now that you know how to gain confidence by focusing on a positive memory instead of the negative voice inside your head, you’ll be able to give off the vibes that ATTRACT people to YOU. Instead of wishing and hoping for approval, you now know how to accept yourself by giving people what they need; a confident person who not only looks for the good in them, but also shows them how to see it too.

About the Author:
Larry Bilotta, the nation’s leading authority on understanding people, has been helping people build their self esteem, reduce their stress and improve their marriages for over 12 years! To discover the secret of how to instantly eliminate painful feelings, stop dwelling on your problems, and START feeling better about yourself, get your FREE 7-day email course on how to overcome your negative feelings in 20 seconds by going to: www.selfesteemsecrets4women.com/selfesteem.html